my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
