Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
