Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
