Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
