you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
