Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
