I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
