she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
