No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
