so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I didn't notice because vodka
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
