I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
