the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Michael Bay diarrhea
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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