I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
