Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
