I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
