I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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