Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
