i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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