after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize