8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
