we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
