those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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