remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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