sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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