Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
