Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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