Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
