Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
As shirtless as possible
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
