I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
