Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Houston, we have a blender
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
