The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
