So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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