i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
