I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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