I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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