The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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