News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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