I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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