I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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