Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
