The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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