FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
