Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I didn't shave. On purpose
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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