So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
