It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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