shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
