your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
