I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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