i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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