just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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