Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
