and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize