I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
