what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
