Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just googled if crying burns calories
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
