i jhust puked up my retainher.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
