I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
