Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
