does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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