i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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