In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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