Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize