Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
