I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize