Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
