addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
