I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
