I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
