dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
