I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
