It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
