She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize