Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
