I'm going to rape someone's good day.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i think i just lost a toe
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
