I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
