Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
