I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
