i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
