I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
