I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
