i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
