the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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