did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
