Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
