so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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