I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
