On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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