I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
