Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
