just come out here and I will go home with you...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
