my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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