Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
