I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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