he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
