There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize