you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
