Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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