i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
