I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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