just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
