I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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