he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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