then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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